Two days ago, I listened to the voice recording of series of talks by Sr. Nancy Kellar, a nun from the United States. She came to Singapore a few years back to give talks with a various topics in a seminar, titled, “Expecting More of the Spirit”. She shared many very inspiring and reflective stories through her talks. One of them is about purification. It has really struck me personally, so let me share with you what Sr. Nancy said.  

<blockquote><blockquote>There is a story about a man who was shipwrecked. He was thrown upon a shore and all his belongings were gone. He managed to gather some woods to make a fire. He learnt to rub the stone together so that he could make the fire. He also built himself a hut with the woods that he gathered. And then, he went off hunting. 

While he was off hunting, a strong wind blew up and the fire burned down the hut and burned everything that he had gathered into it. And so, when he came back, he sat on the shore in despair, saying, “God, how could you let that happened?” And then, while he was still sitting on the shore, he saw a ship coming from the ocean, and they come in, and they rescue him.  

Then he said, “I don’t understand. How did you know I was here?” And they said, “Oh, we saw your smoke signals.”</blockquote>

So sometimes, the way God sends out smoke signals feels like He is burning down our hut and everything in it and stripping us. And it is the way He is actually calling us to go deeper into Him. We need to persevere through the times of purification. 

We also need to learn the distinction between the light and the darkness theme in the Scripture. Sometimes we feel that there are contradictions in the Scripture. For example, 
<ul>
<li><b>Psalm 21</b> – <i>Though I walk in the valley of darkness, I fear no evil.</i></li><li>However, in <b>John 8:12</b> - <i>Anyone who follows me will not be walking in the darkness.</i></li>
</ul>

Doesn’t that sound like a contradiction? If we follow Him, shouldn’t we be free from darkness? I don’t need to walk in the valley of darkness, do I?

But it isn’t contradicting, if we understand what darkness and light actually mean. 
<ul>
<li>Darkness is everything that separates us from God.</li><li>Light is everything that brings us closer to God.</li>
</ul>

Sometimes, what brings us closer to God is what appears to us to be darkness, that is times of trouble, sickness, persecution, or the loss of loved ones. 
But the truth is, anything that brings us closer to God, is the light.
</blockquote>  


When I reflect back on my own experience, there have been many times in my life, when I asked God the same question that the man asked the Lord when the fire burnt his hut. Why did you put me in this difficult situation? Why didn’t you give me what I want? Why did you put me in the place that I don’t like? Why did you in the first place make me know the person whom in the end hurt me? Why did you let all the bad experience, the problems, the pain happened to me? I also often ask God, why He let my friends, who have been so faithful to Him, to experience many difficulties and suffering in their lives? Why and why??

But then… when I traced back how I have changed throughout the difficult period in the past, I realize how grateful I should be to God. I was feeling lonely and hurt by one of my closest friend sometime ago, and because of that, I started to turn to God and cried out my problems to Him. I was complaining a lot to Him about my other problems too. But it was after that time that I started learning to listen to His voice and found the peace that He always promises.

It was also since then, that I met more people, new friends, who let me experience God’s love that flowed through their care and attention to me. I also learnt to not just forget, but forgive the people who have hurt me or disappointed me in the past. 

Would I be able to learn as much as I had if haven’t experience those problems? I guess not.

Even more, I found that these experiences actually helped me in helping my friends who are facing similar problem. Mother Teresa once mentioned in her letter, <i>“If I ever become a saint – I will surely be one of darkness. I will continually be absent from Heaven – to light of those in darkness on earth.”</i> God let Mother Teresa experienced suffering in her spiritual life so that she could understand the suffering of the poor and be a light for them. 

So now, I realize that sometimes it takes more time to understand God’s plan in our lives. Life may seem to be so dark and as unclear as the smoke, but I believe that in every fire that He sends to burn our temporary happiness, there will be the smoke that will rescue us to the safe place and the light will surface to direct us to the safe place where we will find eternal happiness.